The Loop of Doom: 4 Doom Tracks to Soundtrack Ryder Cup's Best Stretch

Man, the Ryder Cup crew really teed it up for us this year. A Robert von Hagge design that ends with a four-hole stretch called—get ready for it—“The Loop of Doom.”

Are you serious? All we have to do is take four holes and find a doom metal song to match them with? Let’s do it! Er…letsssssss……………do……………iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttt. Doom is not for the excitable.

L’enfer, c’est les autres.

No. 15: “Requiem” by Lethian Dreams

Let’s get the mandatory French doom band out of the way early; France has a host of acclaimed groups across the Black and Death worlds, but Doom is less explored territory…somewhat ironic from the homeland of Sartre. Lethian Dreams is the only one that’s done anything for me, so here’s one for them.

Indeed, No. 15 (“La Juge”) may serve as the Requiem hole for those trailing during matchplay. The final four all open themselves up to playing for birdie…if you’ve got the guts. This is the first of two island greens featured within the Loop, with an innocuous front that gets testier the farther back and right the pin sits. Divide the length of the approach by the flag’s distance from the right edge…the higher the number, the more dangerous the shot. If you need to win a hole, better start now…it’s not going to get easier. But be prepared to pay for it.

Anyway, like most Lethian Dreams tracks, the tee shot will start out fairly pretty…but it won’t be long before the shit gets heavy.

Dans l’ironie, un homme annihile ce qu’il pose en un seul et même acte…

No. 16: “The Hills Have Eyes” by Electric Wizard

The idea of a Doom track that comes in at less than one minute is kind of a taboo subject among the Doomed as it is, so we couldn’t really get picky here. Par 3s just aren’t a format that lends itself well to 12-minute tracks. Few complain about this borderline interlude, however, as it appears on a rather landmark release for several genres…Stoner and Doom alike.

The title, however, could not better describe The Loop of Doom. L’Albatros was always intended as a tournament host, and the closing “stretch” is one of the best “stadium” stretches in golf; viewers standing on the ridge that separates Nos. 15 & 16 from No. 17 will be able to see all three, as well as No. 18, during play. Formatting and international relations be damned; the influence of the mob is never more relevant than during Ryder Cup play.

Oh right, the hole: The last short on the course is minute and has plenty of green, but expect the pins to stay toward the water, with difficulty using the same formula we presented for No. 15. Jim Furyk suggests that players may intentionally hit into the front bunkers, trusting their sand game more than putting in two. Part of writing palatable Doom track is alternating the heaviness levels…not sure it’s as dramatic as the height difference in this green’s layers, however.

Il nous conduit à croire pour ne pas être cru…

No. 17: “Never Found” by Until Death Overtakes Me

If you read the monthly roundup of my favorite metal releases, congratulations: You’re one of a very slim demographic that appreciates the full scope of this site! Also, if you read said segment, you’re already familiar with Until Death Overtakes Me, the Belgian (reasonably French) project that recently launched a “straightforward,” four-track album totaling 65 minutes. Lengthy, with death vocals for a more crushing experience.

No. 17 is similar.

No water, no sand; just a 500-yard, uphill climb. Which is not to say the hand of man had no influence on this one. Von Hagge’s mounding is especially prominent on the inside of the slight dogleg to the left; missing the fairway into the miniature gully on the sinister side is not really an option for positive scores. “Never Found” is not exactly an accurate description of balls that miss the fairway, but Team Europe certainly hope to clip the wings of America’s big hitters.

Il affirme nier et nie affirmer…

No. 18: “The Curse That Is” by Graves At Sea

It’s tough to imagine two cities farther removed than Portland and Paris, but “Graves at Sea” is a precise description of balls that miss the fairway on this lengthy closer. Go left off the tee and die. Go right off the tee, into the rough (reportedly cut thick from the French Open) or the volcano bunkers. Take your medicine, and play for par with a layup to the second island green within the Loop of Doom.

But wait a minute…this is the Ryder Cup. Are you really going to lay up? You could probably make it to the green, right? Remember Tiger’s iron play at Bellerive, where he missed like every fairway and still shot a 64? Europe is hoping he and his brutish American teammates try a similar gambit here.

To be fair, “The Curse That Is” might be a better track for No. 1, which includes a similar amount of leftward lake, and the song’s first few minutes have a very MLB-relief-pitcher-intro-theme intimidation about it.